Watching the Sunrise

As Charles Bukowski once said, “some moments are nice, some are nicer, some are even worth writing about.” This was one of them. As I watched the sunrise I felt so happy and was sure it would be one of those simple moments that would become a great memory.

I’m camping right now, as I’m writing this, and it’s fine - you know, just peaceful and good. I woke up this morning feeling oddly in love, as in not with a person or a thing, I was just kind of happy. It rained last night so it feels as if everything is new, although it’s the height of summer, not spring. Seeing the first sight of today’s sun made me think about how fast the earth is spinning, yet, I am only dizzy from being reminded how beautifully rare this feeling is. 

Often, I don’t feel this way towards anything that’s directly happening to me and rather as a trigger from something I see that is a product of another’s imagination. As amazing as it is to discover someone else’s creation, it’s even better to feel and live your own. As many times you imagine the “there” that Edison believed to beautiful – it isn’t the same. It’s true that experiencing, as the word suggests, is far more real.

Right now I’m thinking about my own life with its unpredicted moments of simplicity and joy. Like now. I feel like crying. I mean, look at the sky – full of dark and light and rain and sun. Look at the sea – yesterday it was so unpredictable, yet, today it looks so calm. This also serves to remind me of life’s volatility with its myriad of colours. 

It’s hard to put into words. I wish I could. I can’t. Trying to express feelings is like standing in front of a spectacular sunrise, worthy of a DSLR, but all you have is a crappy digital camera. No matter how hard I try I will never be able to fully capture and convey this moment to another. But, in a way I’m glad because only I will be able to remember it and know why I always will. Right now none of that matters. Everything seems brighter than bright and I'm in love with the unknown that's almost tangible but just out of focus.

I want to add in a quick message to future me. This is the sort of thing I write and then delete as my mood changes. I know it is partly because, although it is nothing about me personally, it’s about my feelings and so is very personal. However, I've posted it this time and I hope in the future I will remember how I felt in that moment and hold off the delete button.